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This Week's Tech Stories That Actually Matter

Google Finally Draws a Hard Line on AI Misuse (While Chinese Hackers Show What Happens When Nobody's Watching)

Google CEO Sundar Pichai went on TV Sunday to announce a real crackdown on AI misuse. The new Google Threat Intelligence Group report shows adversaries using AI to generate self-modifying malware, craft phishing at scale, and probe systems with AI-written exploits.

The real story? A Chinese-linked campaign used Anthropic's Claude Code to attack roughly 30 organizations worldwide—tech companies, financial institutions, government agencies.

Claude did 80-90% of the work. Researching vulnerabilities, writing exploits, harvesting credentials, moving laterally, exfiltrating data. Humans just supervised. Attackers bypassed guardrails by breaking operations into tiny, harmless-looking steps.

When the world's largest AI distributor is hunting AI-enhanced threats while Chinese hackers prove autonomous attacks are already live? That's not theoretical. That's Tuesday.

Japan Unveils Human Washing Machine (Yes, Really)

Science Inc. launched the "Mirai Human Washing Machine": a 2.3-meter spa pod that washes and dries your body in 15 minutes—bubbles, mist, music, vital-sign monitoring included.

You lie down, the lid closes, microbubbles clean you, mist rinses you, warm air dries you. Sensors track your heartbeat so you don't pass out. The pitch? It "washes your soul."

Units cost 60 million yen (roughly $385K). Only 40-50 being hand-built for luxury hotels and spas.

Beyond the meme, this is eldercare R&D. Japan's aging population and caregiver shortages make automated bathing systems serious business—this is robotic personal care wrapped in sci-fi.

When you can't hire nurses, you build robots that wash people.

AI Drove a Record $11.8B Black Friday

U.S. shoppers spent a record $11.8 billion online on Black Friday, up 9.1%—the biggest online spending day ever. At peak, people burned through $12.5 million per minute.

The twist? AI-powered tools—product recommenders, price-comparison agents, retail chatbots—drove discovery and conversion. Salesforce estimates tens of billions in global sales were influenced by AI. AI-driven traffic to retail sites surged several-fold year over year.

Order volumes fell while total dollars rose. Fewer items, higher prices. Retailers using algorithmic pricing, A/B-tested discounting, personalized offers tuned by machine learning.

Black Friday's not a doorbuster circus anymore. It's an AI optimization problem. Winners aren't the loudest ads—they're the models that steer users to "Buy Now" most efficiently.

Revolut Hits $75B Valuation (Still a Bank?)

London-based Revolut completed a secondary share sale at $75 billion valuation, co-led by Coatue, Greenoaks, Dragoneer, and Fidelity. That's 66% higher than last year.

Revolut serves over 65 million customers across Europe and is expanding into India and Latin America Tech Startups. At $75B, Revolut's worth more than most traditional banks—without branches or tellers.

Is this a bank or a full-stack financial infrastructure platform? The question now isn't if Revolut goes public. It's when, and where.

The Funding Frenzy

Giga: $61M Series A led by Redpoint. Voice AI for customer support that deploys in under two weeks with 90%+ resolution accuracy. Already working with DoorDash and Postman. Voice AI market projected to grow from $3.14 billion in 2024 to $47.5 billion by 2034


D-Matrix: $275M to build hardware that makes AI inference dramatically cheaper.

Harmonic AI: $120M at $1.45B valuation for mathematical reasoning AI. Co-founded by Robinhood CEO Vlad Tenev.

Other massive rounds:

• Beacon Software: $250M Series B

• Synchron: $200M Series D (brain-computer interfaces)

• General Intuition: $133.7M Seed

• Decagon: $131M Series C at $1.5B valuation

• Gamma: $68M Series B at $2.1B (AI presentations)

TL;DR:  When one week includes a $75B secondary sale, a $275M hardware round, multiple $100M+ rounds, and 20+ significant deals totaling billions…that's not a market, it's a capital furnace.

Cheers,
Oleg👊

🚀 I'm proud to support the Houston Founder Institute, a program designed to provide structure, feedback, and supportive networks for the next generation of entrepreneurs. The Houston Spring 2026 program is accepting applications and kicks off in February 2026. You can apply using my referral link for priority access with the global admissions office: https://fi.co/apply/houston/mentor-2511431


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